Before I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, I was a 21-year-old senior in college with a full plate. I was president of an organization, part of student government, taking 21 credits (yes, you read that right), and always on the go. My schedule was rarely empty and I was perfectly fine with that. I ate healthy, ran almost every single day, and took care of my body. I rarely got sick and the most bothersome symptoms I faced were allergies. Never did I expect to get sick in the way that I did and it is still hard, even now, to grasp just how fast my world was turned upside down when I was diagnosed.
My illness has taught me a lot over the last 2 years, but some lessons have been much harder to grasp than others. These are the 5 hardest life lessons that my illness has taught me:
You don't actually have control
Throughout my life, I have always been someone who craved control. Not over others, but over my own life. I wanted to know what was going to happen next and what to expect. I thought I had complete control over what happened to me. I planned out everything and never missed a beat. After all, it was MY life- right? But the last two years with my illness have taught me that there are things in life that I cannot control, no matter how hard I try. When you go through so much of your life thinking that you have control and then suddenly you have lost control of everything happening to you, it is a devastating, helpless feeling. Imagine sitting in a hospital knowing that you are having to make a life-changing decision because it is the only thing that is going to save your life. In that moment, you are surrendering all control of what you thought you had control over and you must now begin the adaptation process.
But while I do not have control over many things in my life, I do have control over how I choose to face the challenges that I am given. I can choose to be happy despite setbacks. I can choose to love every second of my life, even if it is not always sunshine and rainbows. I can choose love and light over anger and darkness because what is going to happen in this life is going to happen. Why not face it with a smile?
The world keeps moving around you
When you are going through a challenging time in your life, it becomes your world. For me, this was a world of medicine and hospitals and surgeries and being in this world isolated me from the "outside" world. I watched friends move away, get married, and start their lives while it felt like my world was at a standstill. Social media was one of the biggest culprits when it came to exhaterrating these feelings because it was a collection of everything those around me were doing that I could not do. I wanted so much to be able to snap my fingers and feel "normal" again, but that was just not part of my plan, which brings me to my advice to you: live YOUR life without comparing it to the lives of others. We are each on our own unique journey in this life and no two journeys are alike. My journey took a much different turn than those around me, but it has lead me to the exact place where I am meant to be.
Not everyone will follow you on your journey.
This is perhaps one of the most painful lessons that I had to learn throughout my illness. In all honesty, I lost friends during my illness. I did not lose these friends because of my illness specifically, but more because my life had taken a much different route than theirs had and we naturally grew apart. Intitally, this made me resent my illness so much. Not only was I going through a life-changing time in my life, but I was losing people that I had known for years from my life. But here is the thing: for every person that I have naturally drifted apart from during my illness, I have gained two new friends. Every single person that we meet in life, we meet for a reason. As these people come and go from our lives, we become aware of who is meant to be in our lives for the long haul. I have lost friends, but I have gained even more meaningful relationships that I will carry with me for a lifetime.
If you are going through this right now, please do not lose hope. The people who truly care for you will stick around through even the toughest of times. You are never alone in your journey!
Growth can be painful.
As I have gone through surgeries, hospital stays, doctor's appointments, and more, I have come to learn that my journey has, at times, been painful because I have been growing. Growth comes with change and can be really uncomfortable at times. My illness has forced me to grow in ways that I never would have had I not gotten sick. I watched my body change in major ways from surgery, I lost almost all of my hair, and gained many other experiences that have changed me as a person. It is important to recognize that they challenges that you are facing right now are setting you on the course you are meant to be on. Recognize that growth is painful and sometimes the most beautiful rainbows come after the strongest storms.
You are capable of far more than you think.
Growing up, we always have an idea of just how "strong" we are, our pain tolerance, etc. With that being said, we never truly understand how strong we are until we are pushed so far beyond our limits that we are forced to be stronger than we ever thought we could be. There have been so many moments throughtout my illness where I have thought to myself, "how am I going to make it through this?" But guess what? Every single time I made it through. I pushed past the point of "I cannot do this" and landed in a place where I was capable of more than I could ever imagine. Just know that you may not feel strong enough to handle what you are facing right now, but you are more than capable. Trust yourself. You CAN do this. Even in the moments when you are not sure how you can go on, you can. You can.
When we go through anything in life that challenges everything we thought we knew about ourselves and our lives, we learn lessons. While these lessons are often painful, they stay with us and change how we live our lives in the future.
"Grow through what you go through."