As the nights become cooler and hints of fall are in the air, the four-year anniversary of my total colectomy has come and passed again. Even though I went on to have 6 additional major surgeries, my colectomy will always remain the most vivid in my mind. Every year, on August 24, when the anniversary of my surgery comes around, it always leaves me with mixed emotions because, as I mentioned, it is still so vivid in my mind. The heartbreak, the fear, the ups and the downs - the recovery from my surgery was the most challenging hurdle I've ever overcome. Not only was I severely malnourished and trying to adjust to a new ostomy, but I had begun losing my hair. An experience that would only grow more painful before resolving itself. But even amidst some of the darkest times in the last four years, I've gained so much insight into life and what it means to truly live. In the spirit of reminiscing, here are the top 10 things I've learned since my diagnosis:
- Most things won't matter in 5 years. One of the best pieces of advice given to me by one of my incredibly kind nurses was to, when I was feeling overwhelmed, to ask myself, "is this going to matter in 5 years?" The nurse's advice helped me to realize that most of what I was stressing about was very small in the grand scheme of my life, and that I would benefit greatly from simply letting it go. I still follow that advice to this day.
- It's okay to ask for help. I've always been an independent person, so asking for help has always been a challenge for me. This was only multiplied when I became sick. Suddenly, I had to rely on my family for some of the smallest tasks like cooking a meal or showering or brushing my hair. Those moments are incredibly hard for someone who, for most of their life, has been used to doing things on their own. But, throughout my many surgeries, I have learned that it is okay to ask for help. Asking for help does not mean that you are weak. Your family and friends are there to support you through the good and the bad.
- You can find beauty in the unknown. Having a chronic illness is full of unknowns. Never knowing when your next setback will be, the unknowns of tests and appointments, and the unknowns of life in general. With a chronic illness, sometimes life can feel like one giant question mark. But somewhere in the sea of unknowns, I've come to realize that you can find glimmers of hope hidden throughout. I've met strangers that have become friends, I've gone far out of my comfort zone, and I've challenged every ounce of strength that I thought I had. Sometimes when you let go of the expected, you can find beauty in the unexpected and the unknown.
- Everything truly does happen for a reason. I know, I know - this is such an overused, cliché statement, but in the context of the journey that I have been on, it could not be more true. So much of where I am currently came from my illness and the journey that it set me on. I often think about how different my life would be right now had I not gotten sick, and the answer is very different. I truly feel grateful for the life I am living and for the way in which some of the most difficult moments have led to some truly beautiful moments.
- You don't always have to have it all figured out. Seriously. Sometimes it's okay to focus on simply living. The rest will fall into place when the time is right.
- How to adapt to and care for my ostomy. This one may seem a little odd, but those who have an ostomy will understand the struggle that is finding the right supplies after surgery. With so many options for ostomy bags and accessories to accompany, it is truly a process of trial and error. Four years later, I've finally found a skincare routine and supplies that works best for me. Along with this comes another important product in my life as an ostomate: DripDrop ORS. Staying hydrated with an ostomy is incredibly difficult and DripDrop ORS has helped in keeping me hydrated and out of the ER for fluids. I carry it with me everywhere, with emergency packets in my car, purse, backpack, and at work. DripDrop ORS tastes great and helps me to live my best life as an ostomate.
- Having an ostomy is a superpower. Enough said :).
As hard as the last four years have been, I find it hard to say whether, if given the chance, I would go back and change anything. My illness has challenged every ounce of strength, courage, and will-power in my body, but as a result, I feel as if I have grown so much as a person, and in ways that I may have never grown had I not gotten sick. And I will continue to grow. With every passing day, I continue to learn more about myself and adapt to life with a disability and an invisible illness. This was not the path that I intended my life to follow, but it has led me to incredible experiences that I would not trade.
To anyone going through a challenge right now, whether it is with your health or something else, know that you will never be given more than you can handle. As hard as things may seem right now, you will overcome and you will grow. Embrace the journey and don't forget to love yourself along the way.
Love and light always. -Kristen
