Exactly a year ago, we were on our way to Johns Hopkins Hospital for my pre-op evaluation before my second surgery. While a lot (a LOT) has changed since then, today we found ourselves in the same place exactly a year later.
Recovery is not a linear process and my recovery has been full of ups and downs, highs and lows. After fully healing, one of my wounds from surgery began bleeding and causing pain again starting about two months ago. I hoped the problem was minor and would go away on its own, but as the weeks went by, my pain and discomfort grew and began affecting my physical abilities. With that, it was back to Johns Hopkins to meet with my surgeon and discuss a game plan moving forward.
My appointment, Monday, March 5th, followed a CT scan early that morning. Due to this, my mom and I headed to Baltimore on Sunday and stayed in a hotel.
On our way to Baltimore, we took a break from driving to stretch our legs and take in the beautiful views of Sideling Hill on I-68. It was so wonderful to take in the chilly, but fresh air and beautiful views. When you stop to take in the beauty around you, you become much more aware of just how lucky we are to live on such a beautiful planet. Maybe most people do not think that deeply into things, but for someone who, at one point, was not sure if they would make it another night from a disease shutting their body down, I truly appreciate life and all that it brings.
My CT scan was located at the Johns Hopkins Green Spring Station location, about 30 minutes from the Inner harbor, so we decided to get a hotel in Towson for the night. Our hotel was located right beside the Towson University campus and featured an interesting line-up of shops and restaurants to choose from. In our search for dinner, my mom and I found ourselves at Insomnia Cookies for an after-dinner treat. If you are ever near an Insomnia Cookies shop, I highly recommend stopping by. Our cookies were not only giant, but absolutely delicious!
After finding dinner and settling into our hotel for the night, I sat down to work on my capstone course. Juggling appointments and graduate classes is not easy, especially when my appointments are two-day events that involve a lot of driving and a lot of waiting. No matter how hard it is, I try to squeeze in a little time to focus on assignments and get ahead when possible. I have said it before and I will continue to say it: I never want the challenges I face to be used as excuses. I have come so far despite the adversity in my life and I will continue to work hard to achieve my dreams no matter what life throws at me.
When my alarm went off at 6:00 am on Monday morning, I sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. I was not allowed to have any food 3 hours before my scan, so that meant no breakfast. I hurried to get ready and tried to calm my hungry stomach and it was back on the road to my CT scan. Several minutes after checking in, a man came from behind a door holding a very large cup in his hand. He started towards me, handing the giant cup of liquid to me. I sunk down into my chair. "Do you feel up to drinking a little contrast?," he asked. I knew this actually was not a "yes" or "no" question, so I reached for the cup and began drinking. Fortunately, the contrast mixture tasted like watered down lemonade, which was so tolerable compared to some of the mixtures I have experienced in past scans. I made it about 1/3 of the way through the contrast mixture before I was called back for my IV and scan. The scan was quick and within 15 minutes my mom and I were back on the road to my appointment with my surgeon at the Johns Hopkins Outpatient Center.
After describing my challenges to my surgeon and a quick examine, it was determined that my wound has reopened and formed a sort of "tunnel," which is where the blood is coming from. In order to see how far the tunnel goes and re-close the wound, I will have to undergo a procedure under anesthesia. Although the thought of another procedure can be daunting, I am hopeful that it will bring me a little relief so that I can continue to grow stronger and healthier each and every day.
So, once again, I am reminded that recovery is not linear. Sometimes you may take two steps forward and one step backwards, but slowly you do make progress! This is only a small setback in my recovery and is undoubtedly something that I will get through.
In good news, I am now 95 pounds, which is a great improvement from the 80 pounds that I dropped down to with my j-pouch. I have been working extremely hard to gain endurance and muscle as I move forward. As you can probably imagine, having your abdominal muscles cut into greatly compromises the core, which supports your back. Every single day I work through back pain as I try to strengthen my core again. The other day, while at the gym, I attempted a machine made to help strengthen the core, but to my disappointment, I could not even move the machine. After a brief moment of frustration, I reminded myself that even being at the gym at the moment was an incredible feat and to be thankful for my progress.
More uncertainty lies ahead in my journey, but I strive to continue to spread light and happiness where ever I go, because whether I choose to be happy or sad, life goes on. So with that, why not choose happy?
