The familiar sound of machines beeping around me filled my ears as I tried to stay warm under the rough white hospital blankets, my arm outstretched unnaturally by my side as a bag of fluids hung above me. I could hear the murmur of nurses and doctors in the room next door. I closed my eyes, focusing in on the country music playing on the radio.
Several hours before this I had found myself sitting on the floor of my parents' bedroom with tears in my eyes clutching a small trashcan. I had woken up to severe stomach pain and very high output from my ileostomy, making sleep impossible. I could feel dehydration setting in as my joints ached and the color flushed from my face. It was around 4 AM, after throwing up several times, that my parents made the decision to take me to the local ER for fluids.
After a short wait in the waiting room, I was taken back to a room and given nausea medicine and a liter of fluids. The doctor confirmed that I had one of the nasty stomach bugs that had been circulating- a nightmare for someone with an ileostomy. Without a large intestine and a shortened small intestine, stomach bugs affect those with ileostomies much differently than someone without an ileostomy. With an ileostomy, you become dehydrated extremely quickly and often times it is very difficult to replace those lost fluids on your own. Dehydration has been an ongoing battle for me since my diagnosis in March 2016 and this situation was no exception. Thankfully, the fluids gave me slightly more energy and after returning home from a long morning in the ER I gave my body some much-needed rest.
Unfortunately, despite my fluids on Tuesday, I found myself back in the ER on Wednesday. With blood pressure that was so low it would not register and a heart rate resting around 140-150, it was very clear that I had become dehydrated again. I received another liter of fluids and once again, returned home to rest.
My week was dedicated to recovering from my stomach bug and trying to stay hydrated on my own (which proved to be quite challenging with the nausea I was experiencing). I lost around 5 pounds in only a few short days and felt weaker than I had in awhile. I will be completely honest in saying that it was really frustrating and disheartening to realize that much of the progress that I had made in the 3 months since my surgery went down the drain in a matter of several days. Our health is such a fragile part of our lives and it can be taken away right before our eyes. I am so thankful that this was only a small setback in my recovery and I look forward to coming back even stronger than before.
Now a little over 3 months post-operative, I continue to work daily to strengthen my muscles, gain endurance, and adapt to my new system. I have celebrated many steps in the right direction as well as my share of setbacks. I will never be able to describe the feeling that comes with realizing that you physically cannot do what you think and hope that you can do. It can be so defeating to have to admit to yourself that you are simply not there yet. As someone who used to love running, physically not being able to run at this time really hurts. I miss my feet hitting the pavement and my legs helping me glide down the road. I miss the warm air on my face and the tired, but refreshing feeling after a run. I am a firm believer that everything will be OK, though. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday it will all be OK. I would not trade the memories, good or bad, that I have gained the last year and a half for anything because they have changed my life in ways I will never fully be able to put into words.
The next couple of weeks bring more rest, an appointment with a new GI, and the start of my last semester of graduate classes. A stomach bug may knock me down for a few days, but nothing can keep me down for long.