When your body is sending resources to fight an illness or an injury, it is using a lot of energy. After my surgery in June I began slowly gaining my energy back little by little. Before I knew it I was running errands, walking 3+ miles a day, going to physical therapy, and just feeling better overall. The last couple of weeks battling inflammation, though, has left me void of energy and tired all of the time. When you finally begin to feel well after so long of being sick, having that taken away again can be really disheartening. As my frustration welled, however, I reminded myself that my body needs my help. My body needs me to rest so that it can fight. It needs me to be patient with it as it works to restore my health again.
There will be plenty of time to walk and go to the grocery store and clean house and run errands when my body is not fighting to keep me healthy. Right now, it needs rest (and lots and lots of water).
Per my surgeon at John's Hopkins, I have been started on the antibiotic, Flagyl, to combat the inflammation occurring. This is certainly not my first run-in with Flagyl. Last year, one of the first antibiotics that I was placed on to attempt to control my Ulcerative Colitis was Flagyl (paired with Cipro as well). I was placed back on the combination many times leading up to my surgery with little to no resolution. However, I am trying to remain positive and optimistic this time around that the antibiotic will do its job and get me back on my feet again. It was also advised by my surgeon at Johns Hopkins to wait on the scope that my GI in the state had scheduled due to the potential for causing more damage to an already-inflamed j-pouch. Having been cared for by my surgeon at Johns Hopkins for over a year, I heeded his advice and cancelled my scope that was scheduled for Thursday.
After two weeks of battling symptoms I am now down 5 pounds. This is yet another hard hit to my nutrition and certainly does not help my very low bone density.
While the last two weeks have been undoubtedly rough, I know that this is all temporary. Things will get better. This is simply a small setback that continues to prove to me that I am so much stronger than I ever believed and that I am unbelievably lucky to be surrounded by family, friends, and a community of support that constantly encourages me to keep fighting.
Thursday, August 24th, officially marked my one year anniversary of my total colectomy at Johns Hopkins Hospital. In the chaos of the last couple of weeks, time had slipped me and I did not realize what the day was until a picture popped up on my Facebook from one year ago. It was me, fresh out of my total colectomy. My hair was in a messy braid and my smile was a mixture of fear, pain, and relief. The hospital gown covered my 72 pound frame like a large blanket and only my boney forearms were visible giving the camera a double thumbs up. Seeing this picture caught me off guard and in an instant, vivid memories of that day came rushing back. I remember the tears welling up in my eyes as the nurses wheeled me away from my parents and into the operating room. I remember waking up in pain. I remember the fear. I remember being scared to even look down at my new ileostomy for many hours. Minutes later, I had tears streaming down my face as I stared at the girl in the picture.
I just want to hug her and tell her that everything is going to be OK.
My first surgery marked the beginning of a long journey that I am still on today. Through triumphs and heartbreak and healing and setbacks, the last year has challenged me and my family in ways in which we never thought we would be challenged. With that, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be grateful for every day. Be grateful for your health. Be grateful for your pets and your friends and that greasy piece of pizza you had the other night. Be grateful for those long drives on cool evenings and waking up feeling great. Be grateful for your job, your education. Be grateful for every single day because life can change in an instant.
Though I have a ways to go, I celebrated my one year anniversary with a positive outlook on what is to come in the future. Nothing is definite with a chronic illness or in recovery. The tides can change at any moment, throwing you off the course you were on. With this, you can choose to either go against the tide or allow it to carry you to a new destination- one that you may have never considered, but will end up being the path that you really were meant to be on all along.
I look forward to bouncing back stronger than ever from this small setback and continuing my journey. My second-to-last semester of graduate classes has officially begun and I am well on my way to graduation in Spring 2018. Keeping up with classes amidst recovering from surgery is challenging in itself. Sometimes I swear recovering is a full time job! With doctor's appointments, physical therapy, and days when I just do not feel well at all, it is a true balancing act to keep up with papers, projects, and discussion boards. I often find that working ahead when and where I can is a great idea. Even then, however, unexpected changes still occur and it is up to me to learn to roll with them and simply do my best.
Sending positive vibes and strength to all in whatever your endeavors may be at the moment.
"I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it."
Kristen