Friday, July 21st marked 10 weeks since my reversal surgery and it is truly hard to believe how fast time has gone. With each week of recovery I am welcomed with new feats as well as my share of challenges.
I have continued to walk on a daily basis since my surgery, building endurance and strengthening my muscles again, but this week brought an exciting new achievement: my first 15 minute walking mile. For most people walking at a brisk pace, a mile will take anywhere from 15-20 minutes, so to walk a mile in 15 minutes was a huge accomplishment. My body is healing and conditioning in an amazing way and I cannot help but marvel at the power of the human body.
Thursday brought a final follow-up appointment with my local surgeon to discuss a recurring sharp pain in my lower abdomen below my incision. The pain is random and not related to the passing through of food, but very acute. It prevents me from sleeping on my left side at night and has led to many sleepless nights. After 10 weeks since surgery I had hoped that the pain would resolve- or even simply lessen slightly. Unfortunately, that has not been the case and it even seems to have become more aggravated in the last week, so I knew it was time to make an appointment with my local surgeon to check things out.
My surgeon was happy to see the improvement that my once gaping incision had made. All that now remains on the pinkish indention that somewhat resembles an eye is a small scab.
I described my pain, trying to follow the notes that I had rehearsed before the appointment as my surgeon and the nurse nodded, asking questions in between my explanations. Once I had finished describing my pain, my surgeon knew exactly where my pain was deriving from. He explained that is was most likely an adhesion that had formed after surgery, tacking my small intestine to my abdominal wall after the removal of my stoma and sewing of my intestines back together. The adhesion causes kinking of the bowel and even partial obstructions, explaining my daily pain.
The good thing (if there is anything good) about adhesions is that my surgeons and doctors have reassured me that they usually will resolve themselves. This may be as simple as them just not blocking the area as much over time. However, in some cases they will need to be surgically removed. If mine does not resolve soon and continues to cause pain and partial obstructions, I could face another surgery. But there is no sense in worrying about that right now, is there? Live in the present.
My appointment was a bittersweet one, not because I was returning with another complication, but because it was the last time I would see my local surgeon. At the end of July he would be moving to a different hospital in another state (not by choice, may I add). It is always somber to say goodbye to great doctors and my local surgeon was no exception.
When I was in the hospital I found comfort in drawing to distract me from my current situation, whether it be pain or waiting for surgery or another difficult time. I would then give my drawings to the nurses and doctors who took care of me during my stay before my discharge. It was the least I could do to thank them for all of their compassion and help. I loved seeing their faces light up and large smiles form on their faces as they always asked, "is this for me??" So in anticipation for my last appointment with my local surgeon I drew one of my favorite things to draw: a rose. I wrote a short note on the back, thanking him for his kindness and help and protected the drawing in my small sketchbook. At the conclusion of my appointment I handed the drawing to my surgeon, thanking him again for everything.
He marveled at it for a moment and then smiled, thanking me.
"I just wanted to thank you for everything that you have done and -" I could feel my eyes beginning to burn as tears started to form. "And thank you for helping me when I needed you most.." I trailed off, taking a deep breath to try and hold back my tears. I told myself that I would not get emotional but there were no stopping my tears this time as I tried to express my gratitude.
I know that many people dread going to see doctors, but when they are there for you during a time when you are very ill, vulnerable, and needing their help, you develop an overwhelming sense of gratitude for them. I would not be here today if it were not for the selflessness of the doctors and nurses who worked endlessly to give me my life back. Be sure to always thank your doctors and nurses. A simple "thank you" can go a long way.
This week brought yet another milestone in my recovery: kayaking! It was almost exactly a year ago that I put my kayak away for the summer because I was simply too sick to go out anymore. This summer, despite my surgeries and recovery, I told myself that I was going to go kayaking at least once. This week my goal was fulfilled as I pushed off into the calm green water Tuesday morning. With no breeze the lake resembled a mirrored surface as the lush, green mountains and bright blue sky reflected onto the water. Gliding across the water was effortless.
There was something very freeing about getting back out onto the water. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the silence. Maybe it was the fact that I was not sure if I would be well enough again to kayak, at least not this summer.
I stayed close to shore to avoid getting too tired, but was able to explore a field of water lilies that sat on the surface of the glassy lake. Large white flowers decorated the lily pads, creating a picturesque landscape.
Nature has always been a place where I feel as if I can "recharge" and reconnect with myself when I am feeling overwhelmed- especially the last year. Spending time in nature lets me take a step back and out of the "bubble" that is my current challenge. I am reminded of the miracle that our Earth truly is.
Next week brings another week of recovery, work, and the first time that I will bare my natural hair at work and out in public. I would be lying if I said that I was not nervous. But the outpouring of support that I received from family, friends, and fellow Inflammatory Bowel Disease warriors was overwhelming. Your words of love, support, and relation will stick with me forever. I pondered over whether or not it was time to embrace my natural hair and its growth for many weeks, going back and forth in my mind as well as talking to my family. The decision became clear one day, though. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment, but I just knew it was time. It was time to share the most painful battle that I have fought out of the eyes of everyone but family.
While it is liberating to finally see my hair growing back and embracing it in its current state, the pain of losing my hair still persists. Looking at photographs of my hair sends my stomach into a knot, weighing heavily on me. This is a pain that will not soon fade but that has made me a stronger person that I could have ever imagined. And for that, I am endlessly thankful.
"I tell my story not so that I get glory, but so that others may know hope."
- Kristen